Wednesday, August 10, 2016

moving on

tomorrow will be my last day working as an ophthalmic imager at the moran eye center. it was with much toiling that i came to this decision. it is very scary to leave a stable career with a good income and benefits.

i've known for a while that i needed a change and then i realized just how much when my supervisor came to my desk and sat down one night after work and asked me how i was doing. i told him the truth. i told him that i wasn't doing good. not good at all. i told him how unhappy i was and that the only reason i was still here is because i have to have health insurance. i told him how i struggle to be here and even when i am here, my head is elsewhere. i told him i fight to barely keep it together and keep my emotions below the surface. i told him how i can't focus and it is hard to carry out the tasks i am supposed to. we talked about cutting back my hours...

i went home sobbing. i had to talk through everything going on in my head, my reasoning and the decision i knew i had to make out loud. i had a conversation with a couple of people that i fully trust to give me sound feedback. the decision was made.

i called my parents and told them i was giving my notice the next day. and i did. and i felt a weight lifted immediately. i had to follow my heart.

i have to make some changes in my routine. my schedule. my life. to make it different than it was before. this is where i need to start. i'm hoping it will open me up for new opportunities and the ability to change my psyche a bit. i'm scared and sad and so glad all at the same time.

some goodbyes are so very very hard.

angie and brad arrive tomorrow. the three of us are heading to great basin national park for a few days. then i am heading to new mexico for a couple of weeks. when i get back, i will head to flaming gorge with my neighbors. by then a month will have passed...

i have to figure out health insurance and what i want to do for income. and, i will be preparing my house for the arrival of my sister jules and the kids who will stay for 6 months. and then...

i guess we will find out when the time comes. i will be living in the moment. and posting all about it right here if you want to join me on my journey.

my eyes are tired of crying. i see lightening outside my window. good nite. sweet dreams lovers.

sea of stars



1 comment:

  1. Good for you Cyr! You are one of the bravest people I know. Way to follow your gut and your heart!