Friday, March 25, 2016

sister visit | installment III - antelope island + heavier things

loaded up in aunt cyries car to head out for some adventure!

i love antelope island. i love running on the trails out there. it is such an unusual place. so when the boys said they wanted to see the great salt lake, i was excited to take them out for some hiking on frary peak and to see those big ole bison. we had a fun time!

we met up with one of my favorite humans, julie, and her cute kiddos one morning at liberty park. julie and i got a good run in with the girls in the stroller while angie and the boys rode bikes. it was pretty chilly that morning and we were all a bit frozen after the kids played on the playground for a while. so, we headed to city cakes again for warm drinks and treats! look how freaking cute these little people are;) 

i had angie help me with a couple of projects while she was here. things i wanted to address, but not alone. we cleaned out o's closet. that was hard. she helped me clean out my storage room downstairs during which i found the case to the gun and the bullets. to say that was traumatizing would be an understatement. every time something like that happens, i feel like i take a thousand steps backwards. which is why i need to step away from everything for a while and do some healing. i just really cannot explain to you in words. the feelings, the images, thoughts and desires that go through me all day every day. it is so complicated and terrible and overwhelming. my muscles hurt and burn, i can't sleep, i have bad dreams, i'm lonely, i feel like a burden on my friends, neighbors, family, doesn't feel good. no one can understand. 

this what i sleep with every night.

angie, harper and rowan left early sunday morning and it has been a pretty emotional week for me. i am meeting with a grief therapist regularly and we had a pretty emotional session yesterday and i made a big decision that i will share with you once it is official. i asked lehua to come over last night to help me think through some things. i just need other brains to help mine right now. i took kimberly to dinner last night to let her know my plans and to catch up.

one of my lymphoma lesions that was previously treated with the chemo med is coming back. pile on.

anyway...chin up and keep on keepin on lovers. i have some ducks to get in a row. i have some fun things planned for the weekend and i will definitely get some trail time in. have a happy easter! if there is one thing i believe, it is that christ lives.



ps life is good and people are good and i am thankful every day...

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