Tuesday, February 2, 2016

keep on keepin on

i have been thinking a lot about whether or not i told o enough that i loved him. not just that i loved him, but did i tell him enough how i felt about him and why. did i tell him enough of the good things i thought of him? did he know how i felt? did i complement him when i thought of those things? not only have i been thinking about it a lot, but it has been weighing on me heavily and taking over my emotions. on thursday those thoughts and emotions came to a head and i couldn't stand it. i left work quickly and went straight home and had the overwhelming urge to go through one of his drawers. it is one of those drawers that is just full of stuff. his stuff. in the back corner was a stack of cards and notes. all of them from me. some of them from when we were newly married and some of them very very recent. some were written out love notes, some were letters, some homemade cards and some store bought. all of them full of words from me that expressed my love for him. they each built him up and encouraged him in some way. not only that, and this will come as no surprise to you, but they all said something cheeky. if not dirty;) no wonder he liked being married to me and kept me around. it was a very emotional process, but i am so very glad i expressed my feelings to him in that way. i wouldn't have been able to find the comfort i did had i not expressed my love to him through writing more than spoken words. and, well, kuddos to owen for saving every freaking card or note i ever wrote to him;)

i went skiing on saturday with andy, helene and their kids. it was utterly depressing for me. i'm glad i went. it was a snowy, powder day and i was glad to be in the mountains doing something i usually enjoy with people i love. but, i didn't have fun at all. because o should have been there. and i know that is just how some things are going to go for a while.

i went with justin and nathan on saturday night to capitol theater to see ririe-woodberry dance company preform illusions by alwin nickolais. it was fabulous and disturbing. as was the music. the dancers were amazing and i thoroughly enjoyed it. we walked over to zest for a very late dinner afterward and it was delicious as always.

i was able to spend some time with kimberly on saturday and sunday. not under good circumstances unfortunately. i hope she can overcome what she is going through and move forward very soon. i hope i can help her stay positive.

lehua, christine, melinda, marissa, jody and i have been obsessed with putting together puzzles over the last 6 weeks. very therapeutic. we are just about to finish one up that has been our favorite so far. we all worked on it sunday afternoon at my place and we were having some pretty hilarious goings on and laughing hard. it felt good. we had a good late puzzle night at jody's earlier in the week and she made us the best cobb salad ever.

neighbors, friends and family continue to keep me fed. i don't think i have cooked a meal since our anniversary december 6th. it's a very strange place i am in. i have zero desire to cook and if they weren't feeding me, i'm certain i wouldn't eat.

my work outs and runs might be pathetic right now, but they are working wonders for me and i will improve.

the quiet at my house is deafening and lonely. i hate it. i have to have music playing or a movie going at all times.

these are some photos from when ang and i went up mount olympus. i had on a sweet getup. my snowshoes were strapped to my pack with a bike tube(thanks pete) and i am wearing gators from like 1972(thanks emmett)! angie kept falling down toward the top and i was laughing at her and pushing her. sisters.

oh, and i went to the utes gymnastic meet against oregon a couple of weekends ago with ang and my friend heidi and olivia:)

go utes!

anyway, that's enough for now.



 ps i am excited to see the new cohen brothers movie. hail, ceaser!

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