sweet gussy passed away on tuesday afternoon. our hearts are broken. our family is missing it's sweetest, silliest, most cuddly likable member...
i know this will be long, but i need to write it out for myself. because this is my journal.
he stopped eating on friday. had been vomiting a little, but he was still moving around and drinking water and going to the bathroom and we thought he would be ok. it was the beginning of the end. on monday we came home from work and i sat outside on the back porch with him and brushed his hair and petted him and talked to him and decided to give him a bath. he loves taking a bath. i could tell he was not comfortable and kind of rigid. when i checked his ears to see if i needed to clean them, i saw that they were super red and swollen. i immediately saw that his paws were red and so was his belly. i took him out and dried him off and we went up stairs and i laid him down in his favorite spot, but he got up and kept moving from room to room. i took him in the bedroom and laid him in his dog bed and i sat on the bed to keep and eye on him. he started to have really labored breathing, his chin and jowls were now swollen and red and he was shuttering.
o and i carried him in his dog bed out to the car and took him to the emergency vet hospital. by this point his breathing was really bad and he couldn't move or walk well and he was miserable and scared. they kept him over night. he had chest x-ray, ultrasound of his tummy and blood work. he had an iv to keep him hydrated. it was soooooo hard to leave him there. i could barely handle it. i knew he was scared and didn't know what was happening or why he didn't feel good. that broke my heart the most. i wanted to climb in the hospital bed with him.
they called in the middle of the night to tell us they had to move him to an oxygen bed because his saturation was dropping and his heart rate and temperature were rising because of the stress on his body. they gave him a sedative so he could calm down and sleep. but, his saturation continued to drop even with the oxygen and all the tests came back normal. on tuesday they gave him anesthesia to do an airway exam.
the doctor called o and told him gus had an elongated soft pallet that had become so bad that it was severely blocking his airway. this is why he wasn't eating, throwing up and was becoming red and inflamed. there is a surgery to repair this, but the doctor did not recommend it for gus. he wouldn't recover from it. he wouldn't do well. he also said we could try a large dose of steroid and send him home, but he wouldn't do well either way. we knew neither thing was right anyway. we knew it was time.
we decided a long time ago that we would not keep him around for our sake and have him suffer. he was suffering. o called me at work around 3 o'clock tuesday afternoon(right after i had put up the last post about gus) and both of us were sobbing. we left work and met at home so we could go together to the hospital to say goodbye to gussy.
we cried all the way there. they brought gussy wrapped in a blanket into the exam room where they put us and told us to spend as much time as we wanted. he sounded like he could barely breath. he laid on the blanket and didn't even move. we just cuddle and petted him and talked to him and told him how much we loved him and we bawled our eyes out. like i am right now. we called the doctor in and i left the room because i could not stand to see him take his last breath. o held him while the doctor injected the drugs and seconds later gussy wasn't suffering any more.
they wrapped him up in the blanket and put him in a box and loaded him into the back of our car. we buried him right away in a special spot with the help of o's dad and older borther. we planted a pretty plant on top. when we came inside, micah and noble came over and brought us flowers and treats and cards they each picked out. it was very very sweet.
i cried until midnight. i could not get a hold of myself or catch my breath. gus has been my shadow for 11 years. my best buddy. he
lays laid on the bathroom rug while i showered every morning. he sat next to the toilet when i went to the bathroom. he followed me down the stairs to change the laundry. he sat at the end of my mat when i did yoga. he watched me workout. he sat next to my seat while i ate dinner. he laid on the back porch while i pulled weeds. he sat under my feet while i prepared breakfast, lunch or dinner. if i left the house, he sat on the rug by the back door looking out the glass until i returned. he slept on his puffy dog bed right next to our bed on my side and kept we awake some nights with his loud snoring...he loved o too of course! but, i was his favorite;) gus and o adored each other. sometimes i thought maybe he loved gus more than me! i kid.
yesterday i was super busy at work imaging in the nicu, the or and in clinic and it was a really good thing for me. we had kimberly over after work last night and the three of us made the best taco salads and watched a funny movie. kimberly got us both our favorite treat to cheer us up. she cheered us up just by being there because she is bright and funny. gus liked her.
emmett and marrisa stopped by last night while we were making dinner with kimberly, with a very sweet gift from all of the neighbors. it was a pretty card that everyone wrote personal messages in(that we will keep forever and ever) and a big, beautiful hibiscus tree full of blooms:) we will think of sweet gussy every time we see it. thank you so much.
i am so glad we spoiled gus endlessly and gave him a comfortable and happy life. he was a healthy and happy dog until his last few days. he lived a long time for an english bulldog. thank goodness. i'm glad it happened quickly and that he didn't suffer long.
we will miss you gus the bonedoggy. you were the best of all of us.