Friday, June 7, 2013


i am too tired and hungry to care about anything.  all i think about is the food i want to eat.  all i can smell is the food that other people are eating.  pretty sure i have chewed 20 packs of gum.  i chewed 4 packs in the last 2 days.  i am fucking sick and tired of being a freak(pardon my words).  can you imagine starving?  it would be awful.  i stayed home yesterday.  i took care of myself. 

lets do this.  i am thankful for:

my health.  i am the healthiest sick person and the sickest healthy person you ever met.  i really am very healthy.  i just have these stupid, stupid problems and i realize that compared to some and most people with similar issues, mine are minor.
my job.  it's a good one even though it gets old.  who's job doesn't get old?
my home.  it is mine.  even though nothing is ever finished.  i have a good place to live.
my friends, neighbors and family.  they inspire me every day.
medical food.  even though it is disgusting and i hate it and it makes me feel nauseous.  i am in so much less pain and maybe it will help us help me!
my mistakes.  so people can forgive me and i can love them more.  and i can better understand why other people do the things they do.  it makes me a better person.

this could go on for days.  this is what i do when i start feeling sorry for myself.  i start listing the things i am thankful for.  i do it in my head a lot, because the time when i hate myself most is when i start having a 'poor me' attitude.  it is lame.  life is hard.  deal with it and move on!

i will get back to my fun, happy posting soon.  when my mind and body are doing a little bit better!  i am headed to a going away party for my friend, akbar tonight.  there will be really good foods there.  i won't eat any of them.  promise.

have a super weekend lovers.




  1. Oy. I think a little self pity is okay... it's healing and cathartic as long as you don't build a summer home there. LOL. I love that you are trying to find your gratitude! But give yourself a break... like you said, life IS hard... especially when you're starving to death. LOL. Hope things look up soon! And what is their plan for after the liquid diet? You have to be able to eat again eventually...

  2. thanks coco:-) i won't build a summer home there. promise.