Thursday, February 28, 2013

breakdown

this strong, resilient girl reached a breaking point yesterday.  i could feel it slowly creeping up for a while.  there are so many things about my life that i don't write about on this little blog.  things i don't share with my family let alone with you.  things you would never think are a part of my life.  truth is, they are.  it might appear that my life is all fun and adventure, but i assure it. is. not.  i am pretty good at rollin with punches.  just taking it and figuring out ways of dealing with it, but little ole me can only take so much stress and pain and worry.  just like you.  but we figure it out right?  yes. 

after my treatment yesterday morning i rushed my singed self as quickly as i could to work so i could get to the nicu on time for ophthalmology rounds.  i had several babies to image at both nicu units.  i was at the hospital with o until late the night before and did not want to be back there.  the sound of those beeping monitors made me want to scream.  i was emotional, physically exhausted and honestly extremely uncomfortable. i am starting to burn quite intensely.  it always feels a bit better the next day, but then it is right back for another.  you know there are worse things than this.  i will deal.  even though i am 9 hours away from having no pto left because i have to use it for my treatments and doctor appointments.  i will start using my extended sick leave next.  at least i have that.  and i am thankful for my excellent job.  of course i am.

anyway, after breaking down in tears privately several times and having my friend akbar follow me into an exam room and tell me i seem absolutely miserable and ask me if there is anything at all he can do for me, i realize that i need a serious break.  and he was about the sixth person to say it.  so i went to my awesome supervisor and told him i have to have the next couple of days off. 



i went for a fast and long run this morning.  it is always a good reminder to me of how amazing our bodies really are.  i called lehua.  she is always there for me.  she, batman and i went and picked micah up from school, went out for lunch and then made a stop to buy me some much needed supplements.  i laid my burned bod in the tub and read for a long, long time.  i will be honest, i'm gonna have to get something to cover the nips with during treatment.  ouch i tell ya! 

my life isn't any harder than any of yours.  i just knew i needed to take a step back for a few days for my own mental well being.  i feel a little better already. 

i hope you are having a good thursday lovers.  i am sending my positive energy into the universe for you;-)

xo, 

cyr   

   
 

2 comments:

  1. I wish I knew something to say, or something to do, that would help you right now. You do roll with the punches and hide your pain... very well. And you need a break!!! But don't ever underestimate how seriously freaking amazing you are woman! I wish I could be more like you in so many ways!!! And not because you go on fun trips (which would be like torture for me, right? camping for me means staying in a hotel... with a pool.) but because YOU have the most amazing heart and outlook on life. You are so loving and positive and STRONG. Super strong girly. Love and prayers headed your way... *hugs*

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