Tuesday, November 16, 2010

melancholy hill

click on the title of this post to hear a good tune!

i feel like poo the last couple of days.  a couple of times a month my muscles and joints hurt so bad that i feel nauseated.  it hurts to be touched.  I just can't quite figure out what flares me up?  i feel a little better today than yesterday, so that is a plus. but, there is something else that is bothering me.  I wish I had better self esteem or whatever you want to call it.  I am constantly getting down on myself for just about everything.  Especially my outer appearance, which is ridiculous.  I know.  I get self conscious when people look at me.  I just wish that when I looked in the mirror I could think just once that I was pretty, but I don't.  All I see are all the things I hate about myself.  I am trying to get over it.  I am.  I will.  I didn't used to be like this I don't think.  Anyway... I was soaking my aching body in a hot, steamy bath last night and reading my book.  I came across this passage, "Beautiful is the soul that looks out from my eyes."  And that is what really matters.  OK, I am off to try and change my attitude and take some serious ibuprofen!


  1. Oh sweetie! I have OFTEN wished to look like you! I know it probably doesn't help, but I think you're just about perfect. You're pretty, thin, have red hair (which I have always wanted), ambitious, loving, and you can cook like nobody's business.... as well as make freakin awesome jewelry and all sorts of things that I can ONLY DREAM about being good enough to do. My "art projects" always end up looking more like something from a grade schooler. It's hard to see yourself with loving eyes, because you're always around yourself. But I honestly love and admire you for many many reasons. I have ALWAYS wished I could be more like you. ALWAYS. Hope you feel better and figure out what's going on with your joints and stuff. :) *hugs*

  2. We all have those days...weeks...ok, years. When we feel we are..."not". And I know you already know this, but hopefully it is nice to hear anyway. You are beautiful. There have been Many occasions when I have wished that I looked like you! But it is more than an outer beauty my dear. You are an amazing woman. It has been a joy to watch you grow up into who you have become. I feel blessed that our Heavenly Father allowed me to step into a family with such strong, lovely and virtuous women as you and your sisters. I hope that someday I will earn the title "Aunt".

    PS We know you were not fishing...but Coco and I could not resist!!!

  3. I feel the same way Cyrie. I am very self conscious all the feakin time, even so much I think I have social anxiety. I wish I could be confident in myself and I wish I could soak in a hot bath too, soon when I get to your house next week! Sorry for your pain, eeks, wonder what it is?

  4. Ok my dear friend. Snap out of it. Like everyone else who has posted I too have wished to have some of your attributes! You have a freakin organic market in your yard for hells sake! You have beautiful skin and hair, your skinny and eat cookies (that alone I should hate you for) and are loving and smart and non judgemental and your completely unique and I love your guts so stop! As for your body pains, have you ever been tested for fibromyalgia? Get blood work done and have them check your rhematoid factor too. I love you. Come over soon, payters will cheer you up.

  5. gosh, thanks for saying such nice things about me. love you ladies and look up to each one of you.
    Coco - love ya, miss ya, and some day we will figure out how we met in a past life! You'll get that baby number two, I just know it.

    NatureGirl - I am honored to call you my Aunt! You are absolutely one of the coolest people I know. I wish we lived closer so we could hike, bike and do yoga together.

    Jules - You really are one of the prettiest girls on planet earth. Every time I see a picture of you I get jealous.

  6. Ouch! It hurts a mom's heart to see pain in her daughters! Especially when they are as beautiful, talented, and amazing as mine are. Love you indescribably!