Tuesday, October 18, 2016

goings on...

jules and i went to the phantogram concert! they were fab! they played at the venue. i accidentally deleted all the photos and videos i took:(
we spent some time at the cabin before matt deployed
we got jules and the kids all moved in
the kiddos started school
i make jules work out with me every single day. she is always sore and i laugh at her. lovingly;)
we ride scooters at the park every day
i took jules to dinner at zest and we taunted angie by sending her photos of us eating our food
and then we put on pink lip stick and went for a hilarious midnight bike ride(the kids were away)
we celebrated dani's 6th birthday at benihana
we finished the first season of stranger things. so good! how long do we have to wait for the next season!?
jules digs slc

it has been serious mayhem at my house with 3 kids! it feels like crazy town. good crazy town. there is literally never down time of any kind. ever.

toodles for now lovers.



g r a n d // c a n y o n

jules and i spent the weekend at the grand canyon! we left the kiddos behind with family. it was the annual trip that orion and o's other uncles plan. the weather was perfect! angie, brad and their boys met us there too. we camped on the south rim friday and saturday nights and we had about 30 people in our group. the uncles cooked up some really good meals. some people ran R2R2R, some people R2R from the north, some from the south, some to phantom ranch and back and some to plateau point...brad ran R2R2R in 12 hours with uncle mo. i was really wanting to do rim to rim, but jules wasn't feeling like she was physically prepared to go that far. no worries,  i stuck with her and we did plateau point and it was gorgeous. we had a great time!

it was an awesome weekend!



Monday, October 3, 2016

around my house | not our house anymore

i am so sad tonight. sometimes i put on what was o's favorite hoodie and i sit in the shower in the basement and i ugly cry. and i let myself feel just how much everything is so unfair.

i don't sleep these days. no one sees how much i am hurting on the inside. nights are the worst and feel like they will never end. i still cry in bed every night.

i spent most of september clearing out all of the closets and storage spaces of my home. separating from some of the parts of my life with owen. now it's just parts of me in those spots. and i hate it. i hate it so much. it feels awful. it feels wrong to put what is left of him into plastic containers. i can't believe he doesn't live here anymore.

my life is about to change in a big way this week once again. it's a good change, but it is still hard for me to accept and i am feeling very anxious about being able to be a good sister and aunt when i feel so broken on the inside. i want them here more than anything. but to me, it feels like owen died yesterday. i still catch myself wanting to send him a text to tell him something.

he was in one of my dreams last night. we were talking about something and i can't remember what it was. it took me a minute after i woke up to realize it was owen i was talking to.

i walked around yesterday documenting what my house looks like right now. because when jules, carlee, dani and peter arrive...it becomes our house again. in a new way. this house will be one big, noisy, crazy ball of love. that's just what it needs right now. just what i need right now. well, and a job. i need a job too.

sweet dreams tonight.